thirtysomething

THIRTYSOMETHINGS
photo by mady, age 5

so i'm coming to terms with being a thirtysomething.  this week christian and i went to to homecoming at the high school and reminisced the good old days just like a couple of uncle ricos.   it seems like it was seriously yesterday that i was going to the pep rally and looking forward to the dance.  and cj, he was always big time.

70's theme sadie hawkins, 1994

i'm a thirtysomething, two years in.  those forgettable years between thirty and thirty-five.
what are the signs?  oh, everything my mom used to do that i swore i would never:
let my toenails get very very past the point of freshly manicured  (hmm, i had a pedi back in may)
dry alligator legs (check, do you know how much time it saves to skip lotion)
bangs to cover the forehead wrinkles (thank you grandpa adams)
wear pajamas to drop the kids off at school (and pickup, some days)
and these days
highschoolers
and missionaries look like babies to me.

i've recently rediscovered my love of music (always been there, in fact meredith and i drove to vegas from provo and back in the SAME day to hit a Tori Amos/Ben Folds concert, we were cool then.)  my music love never went away, it's always been my thing, but with babies around there are just so many times when i don't want to move a muscle for fear they may wake up, or i can't crank the tunes because i need to listen to kids play and make sure they aren't strangling each other, or, because my time is better spent on laundry than on wading through new artists, and well, things like that.  but these days after my shower i've been cranking the tunes and taking my time putting on makeup like the good old days getting ready to go out. i feel like my old self again!  i forgot how great music is for me, it's such a part of me!  (i take full credit for my hipster sibs great taste in music.  well, maybe my dad rocking the bass guitar and cranking tunes all through our childhood had something to do with it...)

thanks to XM i've been listening to top 40 over the years but really wanted some good tunes, just like i used to be into.  luckily i have a couple of cool globetrotting unmarried siblings that still can use earphones without listening for babies crying:
 my graphic design artist sis, nicole, super glam and fabtastic,
 my bro dave, bonafide hipster too smart for his own good,

(and my one married (expecting #2) sis, who wins medals in coolness but loves booty rap and top 40 best,  she's a fashionable mommy  hi candice)


so anyhoo, i asked my cool sibs to hook me up with a playlist.  dave pulled through and here are a couple of my lovely new faves, on nonstop rotation on my ipod.  this mama's going to crank it and make some NEW glory days! 

perfectly imperfect

madelyn was a perfect baby.
after waiting three long long first time whale expectant mother days past my due date and starting to feel like maybe the extra 50 pounds i was carrying was perhaps not a baby after all, my labor started.  all the fear of childbirth and worry of my inexperience faded quickly.  i had a patient and peaceful and steady delivery, and my mady was born healthy and true.  she was beautiful, perfect and fat.  you could hardly see her nose for the size of her cheeks.  she was creamy and first gray then pink, glowing with vibrance and life.  she was an adorable bundle of all of our dreams come true, bathed and swaddled and capped.  though i didn't realize until i saw the pictures many weeks later, she also looked like she just got punched in the face.

seriously. 
she had red and swollen eyes, black circles, bruised cheeks, and a conehead.  i found out later that christian had consulted with the nurses behind my back about her severe conehead-  he was worried she was misshapen for life.  when i got her hospital pictures in the mail about two months later, i   g a s p e d   when i saw them.  my 'perfect idyllic newborn first professional picture dreams' were not the pictures i held in my hands.  i considered throwing the pictures away!   this wasn't the perfect glowing healthy newborn i remembered.  luckily my perfectionism was replaced by reason.  i kept the pictures.  i now understand how shallow, how ungrateful i was for my completely perfect and healthy (bruised) baby!

five and a half years later, the battered newborn madelyn pictures are amongst my prized posessions.  to me they are the sweetest and most beautiful pictures i have.  my heart swells with love and tenderness for my sweet baby girl that worked so hard to fight her way into this world.  we worked together to fight her into this world.  i love her bruises and swollen eyes.  i love her little conehead.  i love her in her imperfection, and i wouldn't change a thing about how she looked that day.

i think about the role that perfectionism plays in my life.  i think perfectionism is one of the "big ones" that satan uses to tear us down.  discouragement and dissapointment are sure when your standard is perfection.  perfectionism is a distraction from living in the now, from being happy with what you are and what you have in this moment.  i can see it in so many ways in my life, discouraging me and pulling me away from enjoying the unbelievably beautiful and perfect life i have.  in my eyes, Godly perfection is different from the kind of perfectionism sickness i am talking about here.  my search for spiritual perfection is patient and paced and balanced and kind.   as i seek for Godly perfection, i feel uplifted and encouraged.  on the other hand- my frustrating quest for well behaved children, a pristine home, the perfect pumps, the best meal, perfectly placed toyroom, the right drapes, no fewer than two dishes in the sink, perfectly organized cupboards and drawers, sticky hand print free walls- this is what makes me feel crazy and discouraged and overwhelmed and depressed.  it is too easy for me to simply focus on the getting to the destination and not enjoy the journey as i go.
three babies under 5 has made me face the fact that something has to give.  i gave the supermom thing a good run for a kid or two but i can no longer constantly worry about the crumbs on the rug next to my giggling babies.  being perfectly imperfect means having to choose between "good, better and best."  it means worrying more about the babies on the rug than the rug the babies are on or what the babies wear to play on it.

the beauty in imperfection, in gratitude, in patience, in joy, in everything wonderful about life is epitomized in the way i feel when i look at that perfectly imperfect picture of my madelyn.
she was never more beautiful, just as we all are, as we are, to our Father in Heaven.  as we work so hard to fight our way through this world.  as we work together with Him to fight our way through this world.
i want to see the beauty in myself and my life that He does.  in my imperfection.  in my discouragement.
conehead, crumbs, bumps, bruises and all.

dear electrolux,

(and kelly ripa,)

while i want to be even more amazing,
and throw cookies in the hands of my girls while hanging laundry by throwing it through the air (which mady asked if i could do if i got that washer and dryer after seeing the commercial and i said of course i could, go tell your daddy to buy them for me so i looked into it, expecting expensive but!) i will NOT be spending four thousand dollars on the turquoise electrolux washer and dryer that i had previously wanted.
and, i think i am going to stop dyeing my hair blonde.

love,
rachelle

not bed rest.

the first couple of days you think,
you mean the doctor is telling me it's okay to sit in bed all day, watching tv and internet shopping the day away, without need for things like jeans, or makeup, or even shoes?
and it is fun, for a couple of days.
then you're tired of being inside all day. you want to go for a walk, fix your hair, feel the sun on your face, make homemade pasta, get groceries, go to el paso, lift your baby up when she cries.
laying in bed all day is not all it's cracked up to be.

p.s. now that the secret is out (way too early but we had to tell cause i'm in bed!) and all my fave friends realize that even the sight of the computer made me nauseous for two months (great for saving money!) i will catch up on all your blogs. i'm back! (i think.)

an early thanksgiving.

it seems like most bad things happen so fast you can't see them coming or going.
i'm on the phone with my mom, loading logs in our wood burning stove and adding a little gas to the slow burning fire. a sharp flash of light and searing heat on my face and thirty seconds later, madelyn is crying "mommy i don't like you like this. i liked you before. i just liked you the way you were before. i don't like your hair like this i don't like you like this"
i am on my knees sopping up diesel spilled thick all over the tile, too overwhelmed with what has happened and too soon to feel any pain, wondering how bad it is and just thankful.
my babies were a room away.
it took me a few minutes to break down. after consoling madelyn that i will look normal again; after a quiet trip to the mirror; after reassuring my mother who waited agonizing minutes on the phone six thousand miles and oceans away after listening to her oldest daughter complain about the pina colada weight she'd gained, that she needs to get those miniboden skirts for mj, then throwing the phone, screaming, hurt.
burned.
i passed olivia to my sweet maid fabi who ran to me (and in her voice i could hear worry, i know i heard love.) i ran to my closet and locked the door and sobbed. i cried because i was scared. i cried because it hurt. i cried because i was thankful i wasn't holding a baby, my hair was pulled back and my glasses protected my eyes. i cried because christian was two hours away and i needed his arms, his priesthood, his eyes, his voice.
i couldn't speak at first, but i knew he would be scared by my crying on the phone, stronger now with fear and adrenaline. i quickly told him everything was okay and i was just upset, finally feeling all the stress and fear of the last few minutes. he listened quietly until i felt better and told me to shower and call him in a few minutes. he loves me.
the shower stream slowed to a trickle and i stood washing out chunks of singed hair and gently soaping soot off my burned hands and face. why today, when i need you. thinking of the water, meaning christian. thinking of all the people in my life who would love me no matter what. thinking of nie nie. thinking of fire. thankful. praying.
out of the shower i can see the kiss of red burn on my lips, my nose. my eyebrows now shorter and misbehaved, a crown of hair burned short and wild around my face. i think for once i have traded vanity for thankfulness.
i wrapped my clean wet hair in a tight bun at the nape of my neck. i carefully smoothed black speckled burn ointment all over the smooth skin of my face. i put on the softest clothes i could find. i pulled out christian's sweatshirt, the one he wore last night with a big smile gliding around on mady's new plasma car. last night, when we had so much fun and happiness and each other and didn't realize. like everyday. i wrapped his soft grey hoodie around me like a hug and missed him some more. kissed these girls that are our love. (but cuter.)
as much as these little burns hurt, it feels good to feel. i am happy in this early thanksgiving. i didn't realize it last night, but it's not just the bad times that come and go so fast. it's the good times too.
christian called to tell me he would love me even if i looked like chewbacca. i know i would love him too.
today i am thankful for love without vanity.

last week

instead of blogging, i took a long nap on the bed in between my girls. painted every character from winnie the pooh. and every disney princess. drove four really cute ballerinas and one future ballerina to ballet. held my ground during a major ballerina fit. started watching the fringe. went on a lunch date with christian. twice. spent an afternoon cuddled in the big bed watching the land before time with both babies. downloaded sheet music for the piano and sang with madelyn and livs at the top of our lungs as we played the song from 'the land before time' and 'it's too late to apologize' over and over. had a sushi lunch and marathon play day with my best friend and her best daughter. organized my books by color. wrote my missionary brother a letter. enjoyed a slushie and a show every night with my hub after the girls went to bed. spent a lot of time on bhphoto.com trying to decide on my new camera. inventoried my pantry. spent too much time at babygap.com buying winter wardrobes for the girls. finalized the cookbook. told mady stories about the fat hippos george and martha and remembered laughing with my mom reading about them. (remember when george peeks in martha's window? and the split pea soup?) admired our new pumpkins. made cafe-rio-ish salads. worried about decorating for enrichment. finished off the can of bug spray for a family drive on the four wheeler. considered running a race with mer. said goodbye to summer. ate more vegetables. deleted two thousand pictures on my computer and ordered prints. missed my mom and dad. talked photography and discipline with my favorite sister in laws. (they're all my favorites.) asked christian again to find me apples to bottle. watched olivia climb all over and stand and swing in her baby swing. started going to ward choir.
wrote in my journal instead.

so. campy.

oh my posh!!

posh mama online magazine approached me and asked if i would be interested in writing a weekly article for them. i am a bit scared of the commitment, and definitely don't want to take away any time from my girls. we'll see how it works out. i'm already writing for my fashionably foodie blog anyway, and since i love cooking and food sooo much, i can almost write food articles in my sleep. so i'm going to see how it goes. meanwhile, it sure is fun to see my photo on the front page and my article reciving national distribution! it's been a long time since i've been published. i couldn't be more excited. my first article with pm published today!

fashionably foodie: my new blog

i heart blogging. another thing i heart? COOKING! i.e., my second true love. my new blog is all about cooking. i am a foodie and i admit it, but not everything i make for every meal is super gourmet. i am writing it all, even the basics. i love the idea of having a place to document and share my cooking adventures. come visit me and join in my pursuit of everything delicious!

http://www.fashionablyfoodie.blogspot.com/

tagged two-for-one!

TAG ONE

Jobs I've Had:

buyer, receptionist, first job: tanning salon

Movies I can Watch Over and Over Again:

office space, babe, mean girls,muzzy

Guilty Pleasures:

diet coke, couture for the babies and the momma, naps

Places I've Lived:

houston, provo, mexico

TV Shows I Enjoy:

top chef, american idol, project runway, 24

The first things you thought when you saw your significant other the first time:

he is SO hot! that bod! he looks like an abercrombie model!

Places I've Been on Vacation:

paris, virgin islands, london, oahu, maui

Favorite Foods:

crisp green salad with lots of fresh veg and homemade ranch dressing, pan pizza with the works, berry pie with vanilla ice cream, a really good soft garlic parm breadstick and fettucine alfredo, watermelon, scotcheroos

Websites I Visit Daily:

yahoo.com-email: which leads me to shopping sites usually!

epicurious.com or allrecipes.com-my favorites for cooking

Magazines I Subscribe To:

ensign, bazaar, cookie, bon appetit, house beautiful, self, parents, traditional home, elle, cooks illustrated

(too many! next year i'm cutting back by half!)

Nicknames I've Had:

ropo, ursh, ra, b.b.e.

Your Turn. I Tag:

bj

shelley

Who Tagged Me:

meghan

TAG TWO

1. pick up the nearest book

little things long remembered

2. turn to page 123

3. find the 5th sentence

4. post the 5th sentence on your blog

It may take you some time, but knit or crochet a scarf, sweater, or, for the very ambitious, an afgan. One homemade item-even mittens or a hat-makes a lasting, loving impression on a child.

5. Tag 5 people

cambria, jacki, meghan, bj, michelle

fashionably happy

i love my sweet little family and our perfect country life.
i have given up what? to move to mexico.

• family. (mine for his. but mine would be faraway nomatter what)
• malls. (my mall is open 24 hrs, hello nordstrom.com!)
• restaurants. (we have great tacos! and sushi! and molcajetes!)
• entertainment. (we hang out with our friends allthetime!)
• wal-mart. (i get to go once a month. maybe good news to some.)
• leisurely shopping. (ok, you got me here, but in a few yrs, we'll buy us an El Paso house.)
• zoo. (we have a ranch. it's like a real-life zoo.)

as i see it, living in mexico is an upgrade in every way. i enjoy our ward, the closeness of the community, the culture of mexico, the challenge of learning another language, the availiablilty of my husband (who comes home for lunch daily and takes mady to work), the big loving family of joneses, laying by the pool everyday in the summertime, warm mexico weather, not having to:laundry.toilets.dishes.floors.anycleaning.ever. a babysitter i trust, in house, everyday. overall, the gift of TIME: to read,sew,music,bake,workout,garden,hangout with people i enjoy,lunch with girlfriends,make elaborate-everything-from-scratch dinners,play with my babies,spend time with my hubby. this may not be the life for everyone, but it is the life for me and i wouldn't change it!

i consider myself to be fashionably happy.