newborn.

tonight i refined my thoughts about something that happened a couple of weeks ago. i wrote this poem about my love for everyone in it coupled with that dark fear that every mother knows and the unparalleled love that redeems us from fear to comfort, from pain to peace.

newborn.

watching you sleep

is better than dreaming, of that i am sure,

and most days i choose both.

all of a sudden you are three you won't nap you are cranky you want popsicles for lunch you are whining you won't stop bothering your baby sister you're hanging on my leg you are having a major meltdown and just when i can't take one more minute

i imagine mothers missing babies babies lost babies wanted

and i a b s o l u t e l y melt, a puddle of love and patience.

i tremble, still imagining me without you

and hug you like a second chance

and i can almost breathe again.

i am sobbing now and you want to know why

what i can't tell you what i can't tell you will know

when you are a mother

you are in the pool and you see your best friend's heart her love her only child she is a daughter to you she is struggling she is fighting she is deep under the water and

you didn't know your arms could move so fast the world could stop like this

you pull her to air to life shaking crying hugging thanking Heavenly Father

passing her small sobbing scared body into her mothers arms whose dress is now wet

her heart warm holding her crying wet baby to her chest like a newborn.

please bless the longing hearts of mothers suffering

and thank you for this moment. this girl.

this tantrum.